Wednesday, January 14, 2015
Been trying to be a bit more faithful about writing... I've feel like I've been so tired lately and it feels like scrambling madly to catch up with life and still having that kinda overwhelmed feeling of taking one step forward and two steps back. But ultimately that's okay! Right? Because who came up with those rules anyway! :)
I woke up this morning in the wee hours and this time I couldn't even say it was baby girl's fault. I was back in the hospital for some reason. It hasn't happened much these days. Like a dream in that early morning fog before you open your eyes. So much real and so much still heartwrenching. I was remembering the helplessness and the worry. The way the nurse came in every fifteen minutes. The horrible beeping monitors and alarms. The sickening feeling of having part of your heart slip away. It all crept in... so many memories... that whole lifetime that passed in just one year. So short... I felt that mix of sadness and then thankfulness that the Lord did orchestrate it and bring it about! It really DID happen! With all of its aching and beautiful parts, it happened. Sometimes, in those early morning fogs, I wonder? Did it? Did it really?
I rolled over in bed and there was proof... little fingers, little toes... isn't that how that song goes? Its those eyes! And the way her hair curls into two perfect little curly cues at the back of her head... When I watch her scramble across the quilt in the morning to greet mama, sparkling grin and eyes glowing with delight...such a promise from the Lord that life is so precious and that HE is in every detail!
In other news we are moving again! I am excited because the house is much newer then my dear little cottage which is nearing its 100th year, and I'm certain it will be MUCH warmer. Certainly, the new house lacks the charm of glossy wooden floors and the fabulous raw wood and beam ceiling, that I have been enjoying here, but I am determined that we will be happy anywhere. Lets see how that works, shall we? Happiest news is that the new house puts little Jane and I in the pleasant situation of being right next door to my sissy and her littles. Which is all of splendid, because the perfect accompaniment to little people sounds, we have found, is, if course, more little people sounds! If you know what I mean. :)
Lately, my sisters and I have been talking a lot about REALLY enjoying the little years... its such a challenge because we get so caught up in society's busyness and the hectic mommy schedule. My sisters all have more children then me so their schedules are even busier than mine and we all find ourselves, often, at the end of our ropes and wondering how we got there. My sister Sarah has the best advice EVER... Lets forget about the house work and go to the beach! Lets chase our kids along the shore and eat chowder out of bread bowls on the bay front. Lets stand gawking at the sea lions for twenty minutes with four beautiful tots in tow and stop at the toy store just because... And so we did.
And it was kinda the perfect day... and on the way home there was no more sound... just sweet, content and sleeping babies and sunshine memories and heart bonds, because mommy ran up and down the beach with me and swept me up and smothered my face with kisses. She knelt down beside me in the sand, and we got sand in our hair and under our fingernails and ground into our clothes, and it was okay and I knew how much she loved me. I ate sand (oops!) and mommy laughed and wiped it away and nuzzled my sandy chin with her nose. This day we weren't home cleaning or running errands... maybe we should have been. But this day? we weren't. And it was just right. :)
- ▼ 2015 (7)