Beauty is not so much what you see, but what you dream.
~Old Proverb~

Monday, February 23, 2015

Remember That One Time?

Remember that one time when I married my favorite person in the whole world? That was today...Two years ago. In some ways it feels ages ago and sometimes seems like yesterday. It was glorious and I think I'll miss him forever.
A month before the wedding at a park in Albany

Rehearsal Dinner and Dad praying for us

My beautiful friend Alyssia fixing my hair

Getting ready

Emmy love hanging out with me while we waited

Signing the wedding license... this pic reminds me of how I used to lean on him :)

We ate beautiful sparkly pink cake that my friend Amber made

***big sigh***
And it was an okay day... because God is still faithful. I remembered every crazy detail from a rip in my dress last minute, to the way Andy smiled at me when I realized I had forgotten to give the rings to the Maid of Honor/Best man. Oh it was so perfect in all its imperfection and I did love him so. I guess it really was only 363 days, but they were OUR days and I am so thankful I got to be his wife.

Monday, February 16, 2015

So those days when I thought I knew best :)

Ever had one of those days that just weren't your day? Or maybe it was a month? Or a few months. A year? It makes me smile to think about it that way because sometimes, in all honesty, that's just how it feels. It feels like everything that can possibly go wrong, most certainly will. I look at it all and the discouragement kinda crowds around my heart and leaves me wondering how this could possibly work out to be anything other then miserable. Its hard to stay focused isn't it? Well maybe its not for you, but it is for me. Maybe that's a little more truth than what you want on a Monday, but thankfully that's not the end of story.
  One morning this weekend, during devotions this bit from Isaiah stopped me:
"This is what the Lord says- your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel: I am the Lord your God who teaches you what is best for you, who directs you in the way you should go. "           (Isaiah 48:17)
  Wow. Just wow. It was hope all fresh and new to me. It was so much joy that filled me up because suddenly life seemed conquerable again... He had it all figured out. He was leading and growing me even when I couldn't see it and that was refreshment. You know on those really rainy days when It feels like it has been raining for exactly a year? We get those a lot here in Oregon, it seems... but sometimes right after a huge storm there's this really wonderful little break... the clouds clear and let the sun out and you just want to crawl up on a rock like a lizard and soak it all up. That's how that verse felt. I wanted to soak it all up. All of the truth and comfort of knowing that HE really did still have a plan in spite of everything... that he was in charge and that he was going to show me what to do if I would just listen. Sometimes you have to take a step back and look at things objectively. I don't know about you, but I can be awfully good at messing things up. Sometimes I get distracted and in my pride and selfishness I think that I know exactly what's best and what's to be done. Oh what a humbling experience when the Lord reminds me that it isn't so. Aren't you glad that's he's sovereign? In our womens biblestudy at church we have been studying just that. Even when we cant see the good that comes of something or understand the pain, God knows. He sees the ultimate, big picture.... all the missing pages to still be written.  We think that if we could just see it all that it would make life so much easier! But then we wouldn't need our faith, would we? We wouldn't need to rely so much upon him as he desires us to. We wouldn't have any need to fall on our knees and be comforted in the way that only he can. We wouldn't grow!!  And that's the point, isn't it? Its trust. Its trusting our life to him. Not just our life either but in fact, the lives of every person that we hold dear. Sometimes I think to myself that Aimee-Jane is mine... I catch myself saying that even. Not really purposefully, but because that's just how my mind works reality though... even though she is my daughter... she is not "mine". She is God's. The life  of every single person that I hold dear on this earth belongs to the Creator. Thankfully he did give us each other. He did give me Aimee-Jane... two years ago he gave me Andy. And then he took him away. Recently a friend told me that the only medicine for loss is trust. Trusting that God knows best and has the best plan. I could have sat and listened to him all day, because yes. That is the best "medicine". Maybe the only medicine at the time. The only thing that hangs hope in the darkness and points our eyes in the direction that they should always be, but instead, often seem to need pointing back to. Isn't it astounding how quickly we get distracted?!
    So really, in the end... it all came down to the fact that I needed a reality check... a spiritual reality check. I didn't like the misery of how it had to come about, but then do we ever? Here I sit wondering what to expect next and how it will all come together, but as another friend pointed out this week... "God has all the details worked out: Trust HIM!" And isn't that the truth. CS Lewis once put it this way:
  " The best is perhaps what we understand the least"
And so we can say as David did:
 "Be at rest once more, oh my soul, for the Lord has been good to you"
                                              (Psalm 116:7)
And he has! And if I just calm down and look at life through the lense of scripture like I should be, I can see it. Blessing upon blessing and SO many good things. And that's part of the adventure isn't it? Because its not over and the story isn't done and if we live our lives for his glory and go in the direction he points us, it is an adventure! A beautiful story... all if its hard parts with everything glorious. Its life at its best because its given to Him. :)

Oh that smile and those dimples