Beauty is not so much what you see, but what you dream.
~Old Proverb~

Monday, October 26, 2015

Almost Valentines and Musings abour the man who loves me.

Life never does turn out how we expect it to, does it? Today on a trip back from Bend, Andy and I were talking a bit about our first year of marriage. It certainly has been a wild ride so far! At the end of this month we will have been married a whole year already. I cant believe how quickly it has gone! What a learning curve it has been for us both!
   About five minutes out of Bend, Andy fell asleep in the passenger seat beside me and I was left alone with my thoughts. I got to thinking about how we always have such big plans for our lives. What they will be like, what we will do, and so on. I know I certainly did. I never could have imagined my life being filled with days of medical calls and doctor visits, driving all over town to different therapies. Not to mention that the afore mentioned town is one that wasnt in the least familar to me, and is all kinds of difficult, with its mazes of one way streets and roundabouts (hateful things! ) Needless to say, google maps and I have become dear friends in the last year. :-) But, honestly, despite all the trying things of this year, I dont wish it away. Oh I certainly wish that My Andy never had cancer, that we were spared that...many times I have wished that, but the thing we have both come to embrace is that God always has a purpose for things. He tells us that His ways are not our ways and I think thats what makes it difficult when we go through tough things...we, in our finite minds, just simply cant understand! We are confused, bothered, even appalled at times, by the things HE sets u before us. Trusting him is one of the hardest things Ive had to learn this year. Trusting is NOT simple or easy for me! It is HARD HARD HARD! Im not gonna lie. But I am so deeply thankful that he has given me this man that loves me so much. A while ago Andy and I were talking about the Honeymoon phase. You know that period of your life after your first married. It's all mushiness and bliss and you believe with pretty much every fibre of your being that your other half is pretty perfect. (Insert huge grin here). Maybe it was because we got hit pretty hard, pretty quickly with a boat load of not so honeymoon - ish things, but Andy remarked that he thought our honeymoon phase was way past... that was a few months ago now amd we haven't even been married a year! It was news to me because I hadn't really thought about it. With all that had been going on wether or not I was still honeymooning seemed so beside the point, you know?  BUT. Also Andy, dear man had never made it seem that way. If our honey moon is over and this is the man I am getting for every day life than I'm pretty dang content. This man is crazy loving even without the mush. He's the man that writes love notes to me on my bathroom mirror. They remind me of a teenager and make my heart skip a beat. He reads me funny stories while I work on my knitting or fold laundry and buys donuts at five am while I'm still I'm bed. He makes the best hot chocolate in the world and brings it to me in the biggest mug, giving himself the smaller one (ok so maybe we have exactly 3 mugs in our house, who cares )  He let's me pick out movies to watch together and never complains about them being corny or chick flicks. He let's me take the first shower in the evening knowing I'll inevitably forget to hurry and run out all the hot water. He vacuums and does dishes and takes out the trash even when he doesn't feel good and should probably be laying down. He isn't perfect, I know, but he's so wonderful even in his imperfection. He's the man that I wake up to find is on the deck reading his bible or laying beside me smiling and waiting for me to notice. He prsys for me and baby every night before we fall asleep. He opens the door for me and is so pleased about the simple things like finding chips on sale or getting a good deal on tire chains. He may be goofy but he is my favorite person in the world and I thank God for him and for THIS life. The one that God has given us. He is the one I want to wake up beside every morning and the one I want to kiss goodnight every night. The one I want to make scrambled eggs for and mess up hair cuts. The one I want to raise the little person in my tummy with and love and be loved by until death does us part.  He is the man that loves me. The man that God gave me. And I am so thankful I get to be his wife, partner in crime, best friend and fellow soldier for Christ!

****just found this in my drafts from only weeks before Andy died. Edited to say
 "And if not, HE is STILL good."
Daniel 3:17-18


  

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